


Breaking point

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, Hoseok and Minhyuk are only mentioned, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Rough Sex, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 13:24:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: He doesn’t want someone better, he only wants Changkyun holding him down and maybe, just maybe, waking up together the next day and going out for breakfast holding hands.





	Breaking point

**Author's Note:**

> Tomorrow is Hyungwon's birthday, and Changkyun's is only a few days away so here's a little present(?) with both of them. 
> 
> It's 3am and even though I went through the fic for mistakes, I apologize for the ones I missed (I will return to correct them later~).

_Hyungwon groans, broken moans escaping his lips, hands gripping the sheets. Changkyun is biting his neck, coming between their bodies, stroking Hyungwon’s erection until he reaches his own orgasm too. They stay there for long seconds, panting on each other’s faces, trying to catch their breaths._

_Changkyun is the first one to get up, like always. Hyungwon misses the warm body on his own, curls up to himself, pulls a blanket over his naked figure._

_He watches Changkyun getting dressed, finding his clothes across the floor. He wants to say something, ask him if he wants to stay, have breakfast together, something more maybe, but Changkyun is already out of the door, without a word._

 

**Changkyun unlocks his apartment’s door and steps inside, taking his shoes off. It’s quiet, the clock strikes six in the morning and the only sound is Jooheon’s snoring from his bedroom. He’s tired, but not tired enough to go straight to sleep. He pours himself a coffee and opens the kitchen’s blinds, watching the sunrise. He smells like sweat and alcohol and bad decisions.**

**The sun is up on the sky, his coffee mug is empty and Changkyun steps into the bathroom, taking his clothes off for a shower. He wants to scrub Hyungwon’s cologne off of his body.**

 

_After the door shuts with a loud thud, Hyungwon tosses and turns on the bed, sheets dirty and sticky. He feels exhausted but manages to get up, walk into the shower and turn the water on. It’s cold, washing down the sweat and the come and all of his regrets. One more night that Changkyun leaves without a word, one more night that Hyungwon doesn’t dare asking him to stay._

_He remembers the day they met and all their meetings afterwards, all the times he hoped that the sparkle in Changkyun’s eyes could mean something more, but Changkyun only loved his music, nothing and nobody else._

_They meet on a summer Friday night, under the blinding lights and between a crowd of tipsy patrons, swaying to the beat of heavy basses and spat profanities slipping out of the speakers. The boy doesn’t seem to have any manners, stepping up close to Hyungwon and asking him to play music from his Spotify account, not even introducing himself._

_It doesn’t take Hyungwon long to get a name, watching him climb up on the small stage and mutter an almost shy “What’s up I’m I.M.” before he starts rapping. They didn’t know each other, Hyungwon the new DJ of a shady underground club going by the name of H-One and I.M, a boy spending his Friday nights taking part in rapping competitions. For some reason, they are instantly drawn to each other. At least Hyungwon is, to this low, rough voice and the way I.M grunts and pants into the microphone and moves his body to the rhythm._

_When the melody ends and the boy gets off the stage, Hyungwon’s eyes are stuck on him. For the rest of the four hours Hyungwon is working, I.M drinks and dances and shouts and gets into fights. It’s the type of person Hyungwon avoided all of his life, keeping a low profile, always a quiet background presence. Or maybe it’s just the type that avoided him._

_He doesn’t know how or why, but when his time is up and he is putting his laptop back in his bag, untangling all the wires and looking once again in case he forgot something on his desk, he feels like he’s being watched. He lifts his eyes and he meets I.M’s gaze, eyes unfocused but surely looking at him. He’s leaning on a wall and smoking, lifting his eyebrows and without having a reason to, Hyungwon gives him a slight nod._

_“Name’s Changkyun” the boy says later, when he is undressing Hyungwon, kissing up his neck, fingers dancing across his back with desire._

_"Hyungwon” is the only word he says before they fall on his bed and all the noises coming out of his mouth stop resembling words._  
_It’s the night they meet and the first time Changkyun leaves Hyungwon’s house in the early hours. But it’s natural, it’s okay, because one night stands are supposed to be like this._

_Changkyun is bad news, Hoseok says when they are at the gym and Kihyun voices when they are having lunch. Changkyun is bad news and Hyungwon was never so sure of a piece of information his whole life. Changkyun smokes and drinks and gets into fist fights and bites Hyungwon’s skin until it breaks and he has to wipe dried blood off of his collarbones the next day. He likes Changkyun’s attention, he likes the way the younger’s hips meet his own and sharp breaths are caught into his throat when fingers push the right spots._

_He doesn’t know when he starts thinking about Changkyun as something more, but he definitely does, jealous when the boy dances with someone else, almost ready to beg him to stay a little longer after every time they fuck._

_He learns to not talk about it with his friends, the advice is always the same, “cut ties, leave him, you deserve someone better”. He doesn’t want someone better, he only wants Changkyun holding him down and maybe, just maybe waking up together the next day and going out for breakfast holding hands._

 

**Changkyun knows what’s going on. He’s fully aware of the way Hyungwon looks at him, the same way Minhyuk looked at him so long ago, before things took a turn for the worse. Hyungwon will get tired of him, before he gets tired of getting drunk and punching strangers, he’s quite sure of it.**

**Apart from that he is tired, generally, with his life. He gets home from work and tries to keep his eyes off Jooheon, who’s working on his college homework. He tries hard to not think of what a failure he is.**

**“Hey man” Jooheon will say, turning around on his desk when he notices him standing in front of the door, putting his sleepers on.**

**“Hey” Changkyun will put on a smile, ask about his courses, tell how tiring work was.**  
**Jooheon will order pizza and put a movie on his laptop to watch together. Changkyun thinks he’s incapable of love, but his friendship with Jooheon might be the closer he can get.**

**Jooheon catches on soon as well. He asks about Hyungwon and takes no definite answers. Changkyun himself doesn’t know what to say. He enjoys the way Hyungwon moans his name and wraps his long legs around his waist. That’s all and there’s nothing more into it.**

**They write lyrics together and perform in that one club Jooheon trusts every Friday night. Jooheon sometimes takes his cigarettes away, saying they will ruin his voice, but it’s the last ruined thing he has to worry about. Those times, on stage and with Hyungwon are not enough to let out all his pent up energy.**

**He becomes borderline violent with Hyungwon, but the elder doesn’t say a thing about it. He lets him into his house and they do their thing and nobody says a word afterwards. Changkyun sometimes catches himself praying for Hyungwon to say something to him. To make him stay. Deep down he knows he won’t. He has learnt to run away from all his concerns like this.**

**It’s winter when he starts breaking, bit by bit. Jooheon has exams and Changkyun’s inspiration is running out. He draws blood from Hyungwon’s lips and yet the other does not say a single word. He’s moody and he can’t concentrate on work. He knows he needs to do something about it, but doesn’t have anyone to talk to. At least, he thinks he doesn’t.**

_Kihyun’s eyes are full of worry when they meet for lunch on a Saturday._

_“It was him! He hurt you, oh god I’m gonna kill him.”_

_“Sit down. He didn’t, he didn’t hurt me.”_  
_It’s one of the coldest days, but they are inside and Hyungwon is still wearing his scarf. He is terribly sore and limping, pain striking his legs and back when he tries taking long steps._

_“You can’t walk, for fuck’s sake you need to stop.”_  
  
_Hyungwon thinks of all the bruises and the marks and how he had to open his medical kit the previous night when Changkyun left._

_“It was, it is consensual. We are adults. He doesn’t hurt me. When he does, I like it”_  
_Kihyun’s expression doesn’t soften, leaving his food untouched and making Hyungwon promise him he’ll be calling and texting more during the week._

_Changkyun’s friend, Jooheon, is a kind one. He makes small talk with Hyungwon sometimes. It’s mostly about music and Hyungwon suggests tracks and Jooheon notes them down on the small notepad he always carries in his jeans. He knows they are friends because they always come to the club together._

_Once, he imagines how Jooheon would be. His genuine smile, his smooth voice and soft looking hands. How would it feel to be touched gently for once, to have butterfly kisses that would tickle a little down his spine, to wake up with someone smiling in his sleep beside him. When Jooheon is on stage, he becomes another person, authoritative, impressive. Hyungwon likes that side too. He asks himself why he couldn’t fall for someone like this._

_Then it’s time to leave and Changkyun is sitting next to him in his car and they are kissing and he tastes more alcohol than Changkyun._

_Changkyun seems tired, but Hyungwon has no reason to point it out. That, or how his raps are feeling like they are missing something. Not when Changkyun is pushing him on the door of the apartment and starts undressing him there, placing a hand on top of his head until Hyungwon falls on his knees and helps Changkyun out of his pants._

_Changkyun has dark circles and his movements are slowed down. He takes a moment too long to stand up to get dressed and Hyungwon looks at him like he’s expecting something to happen. Changkyun gulps and leaves with the familiar sound of the door closing echoing through the apartment._

_At some point, they exchange numbers. Changkyun texts him on a Monday asking if he can come over and then they are meeting three times every week and Hyungwon is addicted to the pain. A Thursday afternoon, Changkyun visits and he is so drunk that Hyungwon knows he should tell him to go away. He doesn’t and the next day, even with a scarf and a face mask and make up, the bruises are visible. At least to Jooheon, who gets close, closer than the absolutely necessary, to talk to him._

**“Man, are you the one who’s doing this? That’s fucked up.”**  
**Changkyun has barely entered the apartment and Jooheon is already talking about Hyungwon. He takes his coat off and tries to ignore him.**

**“You need to stop this before you seriously hurt him.”**

**“He likes it.”**

**“No he doesn’t. He likes you. You know it. You are using him.”**  
**Changkyun cannot decide between locking himself in his room or going out again. He needs a smoke.**

**“You know nothing about it.”**

**“I know that you are turning into your ex.”**

**And that’s it. Changkyun doesn’t remember what he says, or what he breaks or if he tries to hit Jooheon, but he’s sitting crouched on the frozen pavement in front of their apartment building, smoking and trying to hold back the tears.**

**He tries not to think about it, but everything that happens the days after can only confirm it. He is turning into his ex. Or, something worse.  
He’s cold and tired and underpaid. He punches a coworker who did nothing wrong and screams to his manager until security kicks him out. When he gets back home he knows he has lost his job, but Jooheon doesn’t offer to buy pizza for him this time. **

**He tries restricting himself, resulting in not going to the club altogether or getting black out drunk for days in row. Not seeing Hyungwon for weeks or pressing him so hard on the mattress that the moans sound more like pleads for him to stop. But Hyungwon never tells him to stop. So he doesn’t.**

**When he does, Changkyun reaches his breaking point.**

_It hurts. It so much that Hyungwon knows he can’t take it this time. He’s tired, he’s not properly prepared and he’s black and blue already._

“Stop.” He says and feels the man freezing above him.  
_Hyungwon feels himself trembling, expecting Changkyun to force him, to tell him to shut up. Changkyun collapses on the bed next to him. His head on the pillow and hands balled into fists in front of his chest. Hyungwon panics when he realizes that he is sobbing._

_A dam has opened and Changkyun talks. He talks the whole night, maybe to Hyungwon, maybe to himself because he is facing the ceiling. He talks about him and Jooheon fighting and his job at the café and not being able to afford college and studying music production like his friend._

_He talks about how his first and only boyfriend beat him up for fun and how his parents were more angry about finding out that he is gay than the abuse and kicking him out. How he met Jooheon at the club and not long after they were living together. How he knows that he is fucked up._

_Hyungwon wants to hold him, to comb fingers through his hair and tell him it’ll be okay. Changkyun falls asleep next to him, but the next morning when Hyungwon wakes up he’s already gone. Hyungwon doesn’t see him again for months._

**Changkyun knocks on the door, weight shifting from one feet to the other. It’s an early summer morning and he doesn’t even know if the one he’s looking for will be home and awake. When the door opens, Hyungwon looks at him from the other side with wide eyes.**

**“Hey” Changkyun says, trying to smile.**

 

_It’s the first time he’s seeing Changkyun smiling at him, lips turned upwards, eyes half-closed. A bouquet is pushed onto his hands, lilac flowers, hyacinths._

_“Please forgive me” the card hidden between them says._  
_It’s too soon, but Hyungwon lets himself think of gentle touches and soft eyes again._

 

_**It’s winter again, when Changkyun invites Hyungwon over for the first time. Jooheon tells him that Changkyun has been trying to write raps about love, but they eventually turned into poems. Hyungwon giggles and Changkyun promises to show him.** _

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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